beauty-grace-outer-space:

hurt-spock:

For @beauty-grace-outer-space

It’s maybe not quite what you had in mind, and I couldn’t end it properly, but here’s a thing anyway. 🙂

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It felt like he was pushing his way through a deep dark mass. Like swimming up to the top of the ocean against a current, He could see the light, where he needed to be, but before it was an obstacle trying to stop him, pushing back against him.

And just before he got to the light, he was hit with the memories held within the darkness.

Jim.

Jim doing his best to hold back the pain as he knew he was dying.

Jim asking after the ship, the crew, making sure that the others were going to be okay.

Jim begging for Spock to help him through the last moments of his life and Spock being unable to do anything to help.

Jim.

Dying.

He remembers the rage that came after it.

He might have yelled and then it’s a mess of darkness and rage.

There was pain and darkness and that’s all he can remember.

And then he wakes up and reality is the same.

The pain he felt is there as he takes a deep breath like he’s surfaced from the water. But he’s in a room. A normal safe room. He doesn’t know where it is, where he is.

He can’t even tell if he’s on the ship anymore.

He left Jim’s body. He didn’t wait for the room to be safe enough to open the door, he’d just left.

Was he still there, then?

Did Mister Scott take the initiative to retrieve the body and send it to sickbay?

He didn’t even know.

His mind seemed so empty.

He sat up and took stock of himself.

There were bruises, deep ones, that he couldn’t recall. It took a lot to bruise a Vulcan and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d had ones so vivid.

What had he done to receive them?

The gaps in his memory concerned him greatly.

He pulled on the clothing neatly folded by the bed and left the room.

The noise and vitality, the brightness outside of that room had him staggering back towards the quiet darkness he’d left behind.

He realised now that the room was soundproofed and in that brief glimpse he’d had, he knew he was still on the ship. The door slid shut and blocked out the noise and brightness.

Holding himself steady against the bed, he recovered himself, trying to get himself together for another attempt.

He didn’t expect the door to open itself.

“I wondered when you’d wake up,” came the familiar tone of Doctor McCoy.

Spock felt an irrational irritation at the man’s voice, calm and measured as it was. But despite the press of emotions he felt, Spock said nothing as though he simply could not force words to come together.

McCoy’s hand clamped around Spock’s upper arm and moved him back to the bed, pushing at his shoulders until he was seated on the bed.

And Spock complied. He didn’t even know why.

McCoy was shining a light in Spock’s eyes and Spock turned his head away from the painful brightness. “Still light sensitive, huh? I can give you something for that.”

“Or you could allow me to return to my quarter,” Spock replied voice sounding weak from disuse.

“Do you know how long you’ve been out? Two and a half days. That’ll teach you to meld with a psychopath.”

Spock felt coldness settle over him as McCoy’s words sunk in. “I do not know-”

“Khan.” McCoy interrupted. “Once you were back on the Enterprise, Khan knocked out, you melded with him. God knows why. We almost couldn’t get you out of it. In the end, we just had to pry you off of him. We didn’t know if we’d do any damage to you but we had to do it.”

“Khan is in custody?”

“Back in his pod. Frozen where he needs to stay.”

“I do not recall-”

“It’s fine. Some of this might come back to you give a little more time.”

A moment of clarity then. His dreams coming back to him. Jim.

“Have I missed Kirk’s service?” he asks. He hopes his voice sounds steadier than it sounded to him.

McCoy’s face pales and he turns and leaves the room.

And Spock can’t help himself, rather than do anything else, he lays back down on the bed.

McCoy’s back in soon enough, though Spock has no idea how long he’d been gone, and he comes round and pulls him back up into a sitting position. Spock should object but he doesn’t feel as though it’s worth the effort so he makes no protest. “Come on,” McCoy encourages as he leads him back to the door. Spock hesitates, turns his head as the door opens, but realises the room’s lights have been dimmed and the noise of the busy room from before has been replaced by near silence. There are fewer people around but the ones there are busy working away and pay no attention to either of the men emerging from the room.

McCoy leads Spock across the room, across sickbay, and into another side room.

The intake of breath isn’t voluntary.

Jim is there.

Alive.

Unconscious.

Hooked up to all sort of machines, but he’s alive.

And Spock doesn’t know how.

“I do not understand,” he eventually says.

McCoy had somehow moved from beside him to the other side of Jim’s bed. “You went and got Khan and we were able to use his blood to save Jim. He’s not out of the woods yet, but it’s looking hopeful.”

“You saved him,” he eventually says, eyes transfixed on Jim.

McCoy shrugs. “I couldn’t deal with him not being around. What other choice did I have?” He watches Spock, surprised by his genuine display of distress at believing Jim was dead.

He had an urge to call Spock on the emotionalism of his reaction, but for some reason, that didn’t feel right. “We’ll be transferring him to a medical facility in San Francisco soon enough. And I want you to stick around. I-”

“I will not go anywhere,” Spock replied, eyes not leaving Jim.

“I want to make sure there’s no damage done from your meld with Khan.”

“Very well,” Spock said, dismissively. “Do you believe there will be long term effects?”

“I’m not sure. I know very little about Vulcan melds.”

Spock looked to McCoy confused. “I was referring to Jim.”

McCoy sighed. “It’s hard to say. It’s not like there are any other cases like this to refer too. We’ll keep an eye on him. It’s the best we can do. He’ll be out for a few days still.”

Ah! This is more than I could have hoped for!! I LOVE this! Made my day, thank you so much!!!