I’m always inclined to vote no on anything with a double negative… both as a matter of principle and because I assume someone is trying to pull a fast one…
“I took a break from my rigorous nap schedule to be here. And as you’ve already heard, it’s a treat for all of you too, because usually, I charge a lot for speeches like this.”
“Getting through these three debates with Donald has to count as a miracle, so I guess I’m up against the highest, hardest, stained glass ceiling.”
“I just wanna put you all in a basket of adorables.”
“You look so good in your tuxes, or as I refer to them, ‘formal pantsuits.’”
“Donald, if at any time you don’t like what I’m saying, feel free to stand up and shout ‘WRONG’ while I’m talking.”
“It’s amazing I’m up here after Donald. I didn’t think he’d be okay with a peaceful transition of power.”
“Donald, after listening to your speech, I will also enjoy listening to Mike Pence deny that you ever gave it.”
“Remember, if you don’t like how it turned out, it must be rigged.”
“People look at the Statue of Liberty and see a proud symbol […] Donald looks at the Statue of Liberty and sees a 4, maybe a 5 if she loses the torch and tablet and changes her hair.”
“I understand I am not known for my sense of humor. That’s why it did take a village to write these jokes.”
“I’m not boring at all. In fact, I’m the life of every party I attend, and I’ve been to three.”
“When the parties get out of hand, as occasionally they do, it’s important to have a responsible chaperone who can get everyone home safely, and that is why I picked Tim Kaine to be my vice president.”
“You notice there is no teleprompter here tonight, which is probably smart because maybe you saw Donald dismantle his prompter the other day. And I get that. They’re hard to keep up with, and I’m sure it’s even harder when you’re translating from the original Russian.”
“Donald wanted me drug-tested before last night’s debate, and look, I gotta tell you, I am so flattered that Donald thought I used some sort of performance enhancer. Now actually, I did. It’s called preparation.”
“I’ve had to listen to Donald for three full debates, and he says I don’t have any stamina. That is four and a half hours. I have now stood next to Donald longer than any of his campaign managers.”
“Whoever wins this election, the outcome will be historic. We will either have the first female president or the first president who started a Twitter war with Cher.”
“If Donald does win, it’ll be awkward at the annual President’s Day photo, when all the former presidents gather at the White House. And not just with Bill – how is Barack gonna get past the Muslim ban?”
“Donald has issues. Serious issues. Really, really serious issues.”
“[Donald] actually sent me a car to bring me here tonight. Actually, it was a hearse.”
“Donald really is as healthy as a horse, you know, the one Vladimir Putin rides around on.”
“I will be the healthiest and youngest woman ever to serve as president.”
“I’ve tried to inspire young people […] and [Donald] is doing the same. A third-grade teacher told me that one of her students refused to turn in his homework because it was under audit.”
“Here’s another similarity. The Republican National Committee isn’t spending a dime to help either one of us.”
“Let’s embrace the spirit of the evening, let’s come together, remember what unites us, and just rip on Ted Cruz.”
“I hope you enjoyed my remarks tonight. I said ‘no’ to some jokes that I thought were over the line, but I suppose you can judge for yourself on Wikileaks in the next few days.”
Also last point, to the people calling me a liar about how a possible third-party run by Sanders could split the Dem vote in half and thus give Trump the presidency, i give you my examples i presented:
1912 election:
Roosevelt quits the Republican Party and joins the Progressive Party, Roosevelt, a former Republican with Republican leaning views, splits the GOP vote and Democrat Woodrow Wilson wins most of the electoral votes as a result. (this was even in a time when the GOP dominated the presidency until FDR, Woodrow wouldn’t have won without the split vote.)
1968 election:
George Wallace, a Democrat, leaves the Democratic party and attracts southern Democrats who had segregationist views to his third-party run. Look how close the vote was between the Dems and the GOP, the Democrats barely lost the vote to Nixon because of the third-party Wallace run and his millions of third party votes away from the GOP.
2000 election:
Very, very tight election race between Gore and Bush, but it was made worse when Nader attracted liberal voters away from the Democrats, Nader was on the ballot in 43 states and DC, and he made enough of an impact to lessen the Democrat’s vote against the GOP, Gore’s popular vote was not enough to win as many people in those 43 states voted Nader instead of aiding the Democrat vote.
So yeah, call me a corporate, paid-by-Hillary crony or whatever the fuck you wanna call me, but this is just basic history and this is no conspiracy bullcrap, it’s just basic truth.
Speaking as someone who lived through the 2000 one, if y’all fuck this up and Trump gets elected, I’m coming to your house to shout at you. ALL OF YOU.
Ugh, and the 2000 election even came with the “eh, they’re both just as bad” rationale. Such a horrible history-ruining false equivalency. It was a false equivalency then, it’s a false equivalency now.
If you want to build a third party, do it with local and congressional leaders. But not with the presidency. Not with all that’s at stake.
2000 is why I drank.
And don’t tell me, oh it doesn’t matter it’ll only be 4 years.
You know what happened one year into GW Bush’s first term? 9/11.
In the aftermath, Republicans leveraged reactionary patriotism to not only secure a second term for Bush, they took the House and the Senate. Considering that the judiciary has been right-wing for the last 40 years, that means the entire government was controlled by Republicans.
Look around. You have been living in the aftermath of a disaster wrought by people “voting their conscience.”
And speaking of the judiciary, it DEFINITELY WON’T just be 4 years. The next president will appoint the new Supreme Court justice to replace Scalia (since the Republicans are still fucking stonewalling Obama, ‘cause that’s a mature, responsible way to govern the country), and probably more, given the advancing ages of RBG, Kennedy, and Breyer.
And those new justices will be on the court for DECADES, shaping the future of American law. Does anyone want to risk Trump being the one to determine that?
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