By the time Captain Ivanivna of the USS Ride comes aboard, he and Captain Kirk have completed an abbreviated report on the status of the Enterprise and copied the ship’s logs of the events since the Enterprise responded to Vulcan’s distress signal a day ago. He sways on his feet, sure that his internal clock has been compromised as well. But no. His universe has been cleaved and bent and rendered unrecognizable, and it has been just over a day.
The crew is exhausted, but no one tries to go off duty. Only when Kirk sees an engineer injure himself and a console because sleep deprivation made his hand shake does he mandate four hours of rest to all crew on a rotating basis. Spock ignores it.
They meet Captain Ivanivna in the transporter room. She has seen the site of the battle of Vulcan, deceptively clean because most of the wreckage was swallowed by the black hole. She seems amazed to find the Enterprise intact, but even more shocked to learn that the cadet brought up on academic dishonesty charges is apparently the savior of earth. Beside him, Kirk bristles. Not from accusations of cheating, but the idea that he deserves such credit. Kirk hands her the data padd, speaking of Mr. Scott and Mr. Chekhov’s brilliance, Mr. Sulu’s piloting skills, Lt. Uhura’s unique ability to decode Romulan, and Spock’s crucial role. Kirk speaks of him with a tone that connotes pride or awe. Spock does not understand. He corroborates the events that led to Kirk being captain, and refers to him as captain throughout the meeting, in an attempt to make clear his support.
What he does understand, as he walks an empty corridor after the meeting, is that he will disembark the Enterprise — the ship that saved his life, saved his father’s life and the cultural heritage of his people, saved his mother’s planet, if not his mother herself — and board the Ride along with the man who actually saved all of those things. He will go with his captain and a handful of senior crew, the medical staff caring for Pike, and most of the Vulcan survivors. They will travel to earth at Warp 3, taking minutes to cross the distance that the Enterprise will require months to traverse. He pauses by a terminal. He feels ill equipped to debrief Star Fleet, but he and Kirk have been central to the events of the last day, and no one else can explain them as thoroughly.
And yet, he finds he is loath to leave. It is illogical. The ship is limping. Torn nearly asunder. Compromised. Like him. And perhaps that is why.
He hesitates for only a moment before activating the terminal and retrieving the long-range sensor scans he had recorded as the Enterprise sped off toward Earth. Toward Earth and away from the darkness. He watches as the black shrinks, not just from the growing distance. And then, abruptly, a gold-tinged light appears where there had been nothing.
Spock aches.
It is an illusion, of course. He has not witnessed the rebirth of his planet. The ship merely moved faster than light, and beyond the distance which the light from the planet’s destruction had traveled. But his mother was still alive when this light reflected from the planet’s surface. And as he had when he first recorded it, Spock makes calculations. This light is from when she ran for her life. This light is from when she meditated in the katra arc. This light is from earlier in the day, when she would have tended her small garden. This light… he does not know what she had done the day before. He did not communicate as faithfully as he promised, busy with obligations at the academy. He does not know what this light meant in the life of his mother.
Main blog is atomu. Star Trek blog is dreamshipsurprise. These recs are somewhat livelier, more offbeat and liberal, in line with my hopeful vision of the future.
Porn shiet
Discovery by fallen_stars 1,484w Part of it is about taking advantage of a discovery. Mostly, it’s about making Spock feel good. :: Soft, breathless, classy, loving – my brand of PWP.
Undone by fallen_stars 1,368w If Kirk had thought that sex would make Spock loosen up and really shed some of his control, he was wrong. :: Controlled Spock falling apart, rimming. ;)))
Distractions by CorpusInvictus 1,719w Spock’s is recording a message to his father and Kirk’s kneeling behind him, just under camera-level and slowly fingering him open. Spock tries not to lose his shit. :: Fan thyself.
ride that into the sunset by waldorph 3,092w Jim wants to ride that (and by “that” he means “Spock’s dick”) into the sunset. :: In the tongue-in-cheek experimental style waldorph is known for.
Cinnamon and Sugar by penbrydd 1909w It’s just a little cinnamon. Cinnamon never hurt… well, okay, there was that one time, but that was just wrong. The point here, is that cinnamon is a Vulcan aphrodisiac, and every replicator on the Enterprise is putting it into every food and beverage replicated.
Hurt/Comfort
Like a Wildfire Burning by WerewolvesAreReal 19881w Spock with an eating disorder. It’s illogical to deprive the body of necessary nutrition, but old habits can be hard to break.
Xenophobia by WerewolvesAreReal 15,000w Mr. Spock is transferred temporarily under a xenophobic Captain Granby and can not communicate with Starfleet or Enterprise. Mutiny is only logical. Angsty, no pairings, rated for language/violence.
Post-Nero Traumatic Stress Disorder by Pamdizzle Based on the TOS episode “Balance of Terror.” Spock is no stranger to being the unwilling subject of racism and xenophobia because of his childhood on Vulcan. So when a fellow crewmember begins flaunting his bigotry in increasingly violent encounters with the Commander, Spock intends to follow Starfleet protocol an resolve the conflict as professionally and quietly as possible. However, when he contacts the head of security, he finds that Chief Giotto shares the same xenophobic tendencies he trying to dissipate.
Unbearable by blue_jack 5,312w There is simplicity in pain. :: Spock needs physical pain to stay in control.
The Lotus Eaters by aldora89 90,000w Spock and Jim are stranded on a planet and must fight for their survival. Slow build.
Homecoming by CorpusInvictus Spock has been stuck alone on some alien planet that needs a Federation representative to be present for a long, stalled-out series of negotiations.
Where it Stops, Nobody Knows by WerewolvesAreReal 8911w Time loop. Spock wonders, sometimes, if perhaps there is nothing at all he can do to fix time. If the loop will continue forever, or if perhaps in a million days the timeline will abruptly flow again, smooth and flawless, while he remains mad.
Science Blues by museaway 14,770w “Illogical” wasn’t a word that ever should have come out of Leonard McCoy’s mouth, so when it happened, he looked up through a narrowed pair of Vulcan eyes and into his own face. :: Spock & Bones bodyswap.
Your First Time Should Be Special by Helen Spock is a virgin and surprisingly freaky. This take is refreshingly liberal, how it should be in the future, without baggage. “Spock, Jim realizes, watching his door slide shut, expects exactly nothing from him.” "I’m going to break up with you now,“ Jim says. “I understand,” Spock says. “You do?“ "Are we finished breaking up? If so, I would like to take my leave—”
my boy builds coffins by waldorph 2,618w Jim Kirk was a legend before he was even an hour old, and legends are never men. They are tragedies and heroes and cautionary tales and they never grow up or grow old, they simply are. Jim Kirk is a pain in Spock’s ass. :: Dark, possessive and vicious. This is my fanon on a monstrous day.
Big Damn Heroes by waldorph 6,821w Chekov is growing up on a Starship. It’s harder than you’d think. :: The paragon of slutty Chekov, with waldorph’s trademark stylistic genius.
Chicken by centrifuge 3,602w Well, that escalated quickly. :: Kirk and Spock casually become increasingly gay with each other. I’m here for this.
24 x 22 cm by leupagus, rageprufrock 8,899w Sex wiki. “IF YOU ARE TIRED OF OF BOLDLY GOING WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE, BOLDLY COME WITH US!”
Eat Your Feelings by bigmamag Kirk is court-martialed when he is unable to prove that he did not cause the murder of a crewman. Six months later, the charges are lifted and Kirk takes command again, but now he must contend with both his new unflattering waistline and the torrid love affair between Spock and Admiral Pike.
Leave No Soul Behind by whochick 258,951w If you’re Starfleet, you spend your whole life wishing you never see an EPAS uniform right up until the moment they become your only hope. Whether you’re dying a slow, cold death in space, or a long painful one on some godforsaken planet, they’re going to come for you. So count your last breaths, son, and hold on tight. They leave no soul behind. :: AU, where Spock is Captain and Starfleet is replaced by the WAY MORE HIGH-OCTANE EPAS. Flawless.
Observations by jAnon 427,041w First Officer Spock comments on life aboard the Enterprise and his service under Captain James T. Kirk. :: Just fuck me up friend.
Take Refuge in What You Know by CorpusInvictus 120,334w AU – Kirk has moved into a apartment/house and wants to get to know his neighbors. He meets his neighbor Spock, a loner who suffers from extreme agoraphobia. Kirk thinks he’s beautiful enigma. :: H/C, I adore this.
Veritas by theproblematique 174,746w Captain James T. Kirk and Commander Spock are hereby charged with negligence and wanton misconduct due to their emotional compromise with each other. :: Cheeky and poignant.
I often get little plot bunnies from thing that show up in my dash. And in the last few minutes (because i’m avoiding work AGAIN), that post about Pie-is-always-touching-himself-and-won’t-someone-please-touch-him-like-he-needs came up, and I thought, “well, I just wrote that, so I’m totally safe.”
Then the post came up about the fact we see starlight for a certain amount of time after the star dies, and I thought of Spock and him being back on Earth in time to see the light reflected off Vulcan die….and FUCK, now I have to write that. Not tonight. But remind me. It’s gonna drive me crazy if I don’t exorcise it.
Everyone please stop and take a moment to think about Jim and Spock on a date at Disney World
This is Disneyland, but yeah. And I’m sorry I don’t know the source. A friend no longer with the fandom used this as her avatar for a while, and I grabbed it. I’ve searched, but never found it. If anyone knows, I’m happy to reblog instead. The t-shirts are pretty perfect, tho.
I found myself taking mental notes, storing away
memories that might prove useful in the role. I was like the poor hunchback on
the pillory, subjected to a humiliating public display; I felt alien to the
point of being ridiculous. I knew that once I left, the crew would exchange
jokes about my appearance – and as I stood there on the empty, lighted set, I
felt myself building defenses, attempting to elevate my thinking beyond any
concern for the opinions of mere humans. Spock was beginning to come to life. […] the Vulcan makeup served as inspiration. As with Kid Monk, when I saw my slow transformation in the makeup mirror from human to Vulcan, an inner transformation took place as well.
– Leonard Nimoy, ‘I Am Spock’
You know, I can’t really play Spock unless I shave my eyebrows off my face and get a bowl haircut and sit in a makeup chair for three hours and have someone put ears on me. That informs the emotional depth of that character. He holds himself in a different way, it’s something that’s applied more than excavated.
Zach’s Spock has more subtle expression than Nimoy’s does. Not much eyebrow-raising, for instance. I notice that Zach holds his mouth differently when playing Spock, too. His emotional inflection is in his voice.
Nimoy had a flatter vocal affect, but signalled his emotions with his eyebrows and mouth. He used dry humor to deadly effect, too.
When I read something like this:
Zach’s Spock has more subtle expression than Nimoy’s does.
It’s like
Okay, I’m going to rant here for a bit, and I really don’t mean this on the original poster(s), but more so a lot of things I’ve seen in the past where people like to compare these two universes, and actually put people down for embracing these differences. This specific post just reminded me of it.
So, here goes. Hate me for this or not, don’t care, I’ve gotten a lot worse hate than you could probably throw at me.
See, I don’t really like to compare TOS Spock to AOS Spock, like at all. To me, they are completely different characters.
It’s kind of pointless really to compare them in hopes of putting the other down, or showing where one actor might have been lacking (which isn’t the case). As Nimoy said himself in an interview when they were making the 2009 film in response to what he thought about the rebooted Spock, he said that Quinto does portray the character differently than he did, that he approves of these changes and liked them. He basically said it’s to be expected, given that in the rebooted universe, things happen very differently than how they happened in the Prime Universe to both Jim and Spock.
People need to remember that when we actually start in on the TOS episodes, Spock had been serving on the Enterprise for ten years before Jim came along. (I think?) He also has his mother in this universe, and the Nyota relationship did not happen. Pike was Spock’s entire influence for ten years, and Jim Kirk was already a seasoned officer when he took over the Enterprise from Pike. He had already gained the maturity and experience to be a Starship Captain.
Just the fact that Spock lost Amanda AND HIS PLANET at such an early point in his life would be enough to inspire the character to behave differently than Nimoy’s Spock. Amanda and Vulcan were around in the Prime universe all the way up into Star Trek 4, (Vulcan, obviously staying around) whereas in AOS, those two pillars in his life are gone quicker than shit, and he’s only 28 years old when it happens, just a baby fresh on a ship, and still struggling to find his place in the world.
To have them act the same is ridiculous, because like it or not, they are not the same character. Events have shaped AOS Spock into who he is as we see him STID.
The same goes for TOS Jim and AOS Jim. Two. Completely. Different. Characters. I hate when people put one Kirk down over the other, or shame people for liking one Kirk over the other. Like, totally different interpretations, and I, personally, wouldn’t have it any other way because I hate when films or shows are remade and are fashioned to basically be carbon board cutouts of what their predecessors were. Yes, the reboots are different. Some like that. Some don’t. But to constantly compare the TOS characters to the AOS, and find one or the other wrong is unfounded to me.
Are there things Abrams could and probably should have done differently. For fucking sure, lol. But people also need to remember that this is a movie at the end of the day, and it was made by a director who is in it to bring in new people to make the most bang for the buck. Does that suck? Yeah, but at the end of the day, that was the goal there. the rebooted Trek films were made to appeal to a wide-scale audience and bring in people who might not have given Trek a second thought versus just a certain fanbase.
Does that suck for people who were/are fans long before the reboots? Yeah, it probably does, and I totally understand that feeling. The long time trekkies have been engrained in this fandom LONG before I was even a sperm in a ballsack.
Do I care that the new Trek doesn’t have everything in common with the Prime Trek?
Nope.
Why? Because if I hadn’t fallen in love with the reboots (the first star trek I ever saw that actually made me sit down and watch) I wouldn’t have watched TOS, and fallen in love with that either. I wouldn’t be in this fandom or have met so many great people, or learned so many things about myself whether it was from writing, or watching the show and movies. And let me just go on record and say that after watching TOS and the AOS movies… I love both universes, and appreciate their differences, and the creative spin that the actors (of both) brought to their characters. As flawed as people think AOS is…let’s be honest here. It brought more people into the fandom. It made me aware of Trek’s overall greatness, and I have learned so much from appreciating both versions of these characters. This is why I get irritated when people who have been in this fandom for years upon years put newcomer’s down like we don’t know shit, and don’t deserve to know shit, because like…who are you to judge? Instead of being irritated by all the AOS fic flying around, or the young immature authors, why can’t people be happy that the fandom has grown to include so many new people? Trek has touched so many, and I’m not afraid to say that AOS is responsible for at least a little bit of that. If I had a coin for how many people I’ve seen post things like, “I’m half way through TOS now!!” or something like that, I’d be fucking rich, because these new fans love Trek so much because of the newer movies that they want to know more. The need to know more, and are turning on their goddamn Netflix to watch what inspired the movies they watched.
But, to get back to Jim Kirk….
If anything, these two wouldn’t even get along in the same room because they’re so different, and why would they not be? Jim Kirk, in the AOS universe, lost his father as an infant whereas George Kirk was around for TOS Jim’s entire youth as well as when he took over the Enterprise. AOS Jim grew up in a neglectful home with hints to child abuse and had a mother that the audience can likely conclude wasn’t there, at all. He likely has a history of misdemeanors if not felonies given Pike’s words, “do you like being the only genius level repeat offender in the midwest?” (something like that. Don’t have the script in front of me) Whereas I think it’s safe to assume that TOS Jim does not have a criminal background.
Also, in the TOS Episode, “The Menagerie” I think it’s also safe to conclude that Jim didn’t really know Pike on the personal level that he does in the AOS universe. Like, they knew each other in TOS, but in AOS, it’s definitely more of a father/son relationship. This is also the same in the respect that AOS Spock does not have the relationship with Pike that he had in TOS, because they did not serve on a ship together for ten years. That’s ten years of influence Spock didn’t get from Pike, and instead, will get from the rebooted Kirk instead.
This will and does have an effect on Spock’s character.
Not only that, but that’s also ten years of experience that reboot Kirk isn’t going to get serving as a lowly officer on some other starship, climbing through the ranks, seeing different command styles and learning from those. He’s thrust right into the captain’s chair with basically no experience. Yeah, I’m smart enough to know this was a plot device on the writer’s part to give us a nosedive into Jim Kirk being captain, but it IS canon in this universe, and would have a huge effect on Jim Kirk as a person. Just the fact that Jim Kirk and Spock had such a rocky beginning in their relationship would alter the characters in this timeline.
Basically, what this all boils down to is…AOS and TOS are different. The characters are different. They’re going to be written differently in both the movies and fanfiction, and people really need to stop demonizing others for liking these differences and/or writing these differences. This is why I cannot stand it when people come onto my fics and blast me for making Jim flawed and immature.
Of course he’s fucking flawed and immature. He’s just a baby. Of course Spock shows anger and emotion much more readily in the newer movies. He’s immature and not yet developed into who he wants to be. He’s just a baby. Thank fuck for character development.
Again, I’m not blasting the OP’s here of this post, just responding to a lot of things I’ve seen in the past regarding this fandom. The same can also be said for AOS fans who put down TOS characters, or the fans of those characters. Completely. Different. People. Just as I don’t like it when TOS people put down the AOS people, I don’t approve of AOS people putting down TOS people. I have mad love for both of these universes, and would expect any fan of Star Trek, a show/franchise/move that has shown me more tolerance than any teacher or parent has ever done, to have respect for one another, and embrace that people love different things.
how can we not love them both? hahahahahaha
REBLOG REBLOG REBLOG!!!!! I love both universe so much. I hate when people make me feel bad for liking AOS, and totally agree the other way around. Thank you for posting this. THANK YOU!!!! LLAP!!!
hahaha, I’m glad you liked it. I don’t like shaming of either universe. Embrace them both, and that’s fine if you don’t, just keep that shit to yourself. No reason to put other’s down for what they love.
I agree that the two ‘verses are different. Leonard created the character, Zachary carries on the torch. Both versions are valid and beautifully done. I don’t like AOS shaming at all, just can’t stand it, ugh. At the same time, looking down on the Original Series is a sacrilege for me XD One of the main messages of Star Trek is tolerance. Let’s coexist peacefully. “We have differences: May we, together, become greater than the sum of both of us.”
ALL the Spocks. And ALL the Jims. And all the fanfic versions. Honest to god, why would you want fewer explorations of these fabulous characters?
There was an ache in Jim’s chest that persisted days after it should have subsided.
He was trying his best to maintain his usual demeanor on the bridge, but Kirk’s close friends knew…they could feel it…sense it…
Ever since Jim returned with the small landing party from Orcas IV, something had been different.
Bones insisted on running a battery of tests, which Jim allowed, without protest (which was odd). But he was fine.
The trip was routine, a peace-keeping mission with a friendly species. They were treated well, given lavish accommodations and delicious food…the whole ship envied the landing party.
It was nothing more than a short mission to maintain peace. What could have transpired that left the captain looking wistfully out the viewing screen, that kept his eyes on Spock for longer than necessary?
Yet, when Spock talked with Jim, the captain was curt and cool – cold almost. He seemed detached at his best and angry at his worst.
It was this concerning behavior that led Spock to Dr. McCoy one day – a week after the Enterprise had finished its mission on Orcas IV.
The doors swept open with a swoosh and closed behind the Vulcan who strode toward Bones.
The doctor looked up from the instrument in his hands. He was recalibrating it. Must’ve been a slow day in sick bay.
“I am concerned for the captain’s well being,” Spock said in a near whisper.
“Yeah, I know the feeling,” Bones responded. “But I don’t know what to tell you Spock. I’ve already asked him what’s wrong and he won’t tell me. I was going to come to you,” he paused.
He seemed unsure of his words.
“I don’t want you to feel obligated, but it would be nice if you could maybe…talk to Jim? See what’s going on? You know, as his friend.”
Spock gave a slight nod.
“How is he physically?”
“Perfectly fine,” Bones said, shutting a tiny metal flap on the medical laser in his hands. He switched it on and off, and it worked.
“Maybe a little fatigued? But hardly anything serious.”
“Thank you doctor,” Spock offered. “I will speak with him tonight during our weekly chess game.”
———-
Spock waited for Jim in the recreation room, but his friend never came, so he picked up his PADD.
SPOCK: Captain, are you all right? You are not present for our weekly chess game.
KIRK:
SPOCK: Captain?
KIRK: Sorry Spock, I’m too tired tonight. Maybe next week.
————
For whatever reason, anger bloomed in Spock’s chess. He knew that the captain wasn’t tired. Well, maybe he was, but that wasn’t why he was avoiding their interaction.
Spock rose from his seat and made his way down the sterile white corridors.
As an officer, he should leave his captain alone to rest – not questioning his excuse.
But as his friend, he desired answers. Which is why he found himself standing outside of Jim Kirk’s quarters.
Surprisingly, Jim let him in.
“What is it Spock? An emergency I hope?“
“It is illogical to hope for an emergency.”
Jim sighed. “That’s not what I meant…never mind. Why are you here?“
"I am here because you have been acting odd lately captain,” Spock said cooly, his head cocked slightly to the side. “Are you well?”
Jim’s tongue darted out and moistened his lower lip as his eyes examined his first officer. Then he bit his lip, before abandoning the soft flesh to reply.
“I’m…” “Do not lie to me,” Spock interrupted.
Damn, this must be serious if Spock just cut him off!
“I won’t lie to you,” he said more gently, taking a few steps over to his bed, he sat down on it’s edge.
He hesitated and then started slowly.
“I uh…when we were down on Orcas IV…I was offered a "gift,” Jim said, making little quotes with his fingers.
“And this gift has distressed you?” Spock said, stepping close.
“As you know the Orcans are telepathic…they possess skills and abilities that no other species we’ve found has exhibited,” Jim rubbed a hand against the back of his neck.
“They offered to show me something, and not wanting to offend them, I let them.”
“Did they harm you?” Spock’s eyes were wide with a panic he would never admit to experiencing.
“No…no,” Jim pacified. “But they showed me things from Spock’s…Spock Prime’s… timeline.”
Jim’s hands were now at his sides, grasping on to the edge of his bed.
“It just…"
Fuck. Why was this so hard?
"It was hard to see this life that wasn’t mine. Well, I mean, it was mine, but it’s not. And I’ve been letting it bother me this week, but don’t worry about it Spock, I’ll get over it.”
The science officer came over to the edge of the bed and sat next to Jim. He wanted to ask a hundred questions, but the situation was like walking on a spring lake, thinly concealed beneath melting ice.
“Would you like to tell me what they showed you?”
He looked over at Jim and his warm brown eyes were just so fucking…gorgeous and curious and innocent in that moment. It made Jim’s heart churn.
“Well,” he gulped, “they showed me…”
What was he doing? Was he really going to tell Spock? What was he thinking?!
Sensing his hesitation, Spock said “it’s all right captain, you do not need to tell me if you do not wish to.” He moved as if to get up, but Jim’s hand on his arm stopped him. So he stayed seated.
Jim’s eyes were fixed on some distant point beyond his blue clothed chest. His ocean eyes were filled with longing, sadness, and hesitation. His lips were parted and his soul ached to just tell him, just tell Spock the truth.
His hand was still on Spock’s forearm, but gliding toward the back of his hand. It rested there, tingling on the Vulcan flesh.
“Do you really want to know?” Jim asked. “Because…it could change things."
"Unless telling me would be harmful to our timeline, I do not see how telling me could be detrimental,” Spock kept his voice even, despite the hot contact of their hands.
The only sound in the room was Jim’s breathing and the ventilation system, pouring cold air into the space. If you listened close enough, you could probably even hear Kirk’s heart race.
"They showed me a timeline where we…"
Damn, he was not doing well in the word department tonight. So he started again.
“They showed me a life where I had a good childhood and a father and… you.”
“I am right here captain,” Spock said, unsure of Jim’s meaning and not wanting to read too much into the sparse collection of words.
Jim just shook his head back and forth slowly, and then moved closer to Spock, tilting his head, eyeing the Vulcan’s lips. Spock was stone still, watching as Jim came closer still, closing the space between them and kissing him.
Jim’s left hand came up to Spock’s face, and his right hand maneuvered beneath Spock’s so that their fingers touched.
Jim’s mouth was warm and wet, his tongue swept into Spock’s mouth and his teeth grazed at his lips. The sensations the act produced were fascinating. But it was the human kiss combined with the Vulcan kiss that sent Spock over the edge. His nerves were on fire.
As soon as his senses returned, Spock pulled back and looked at Jim in shock. He quickly recovered his facial features, but his pupils were still blown black.
He blinked multiple times, unsure of what to say or do.
“Where did you learn to kiss the Vulcan way?” Spock asked, bewildered. But Jim didn’t answer the question directly.
“They showed me a life that wasn’t mine,” Jim continued, staring down into his own lap. “And it made me so angry, that it never could be mine,” his voice faltered.
“I’m sorry Spock,” he said, dropping his face into his hands. He was 99% certain that he had just ruined his relationship with his first officer.
When he brought his head out of his hands, he turned it away from Spock.
“And this is what you desire?” Spock queried. “To be romantically involved with me?”
So slightly it could barely be seen, Jim was rocking back and forward.
“I know that you’re with Uhura,” Jim said, facing away. There was a brokenness in his voice that made Spock’s ribcage hurt.
“I never should have kissed you.”
“Do you regret your actions?”
“Yes,” Jim lied.
He felt a heavy hand on his shoulder and his head snapped back to Spock. Moisture gathered in the corners of his eyes and the area around the bright blue iris was becoming red.
“You said that you would not lie to me Jim, so I will ask you again. Do you regret your actions?”
Jim’s jaw clenched and unclenched before he answered.
“No.”
Spock’s lips were parted with words that wouldn’t come out. So Jim dissolved the silence.
“It was so real Spock. I know they were just showing me something in my mind…but it was so real. You and I. We were so real, so…complete, that when they snapped me back to reality, I wasn’t ready. It was too much. Without you, I feel naked.”
“You have me captain,” Spock answered.
“Not in the way I want.”
A very familiar buzz cut through the thick air between the pair of waiting lips.
“Captain Kirk,” it was Scotty.
Jim got up, grateful that his back was to Spock as a tear rolled down his cheek. Quickly he dashed it away and answered the call.
“You are needed in the engineering bay captain,” Scotty said. “For an engineering emergency?” “No sir, for a disciplinary matter.” “I’ll be right there,” Jim said, “Kirk out.”
He let his hand skim down the wall before it fell to his side.
“Spock, uh, I have to,” he said over his shoulder, keeping his face to himself.
Chapters: 12/12 Fandom: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock, Spock & Nyota Uhura, Christopher Pike & Spock, James T. Kirk & Christopher Pike, Spock/Uhura background Characters: James T. Kirk, Spock, Spock Prime, Leonard McCoy, Carol Marcus, Nyota Uhura, Hikaru Sulu, Pavel Chekov, Montgomery “Scotty” Scott, Christopher Pike Additional Tags: Slow Build, post-STID, Storytelling, Psychological Trauma, Mind Meld, Rebuilding, the khan serum is some messed up stuff, Dammit Jim, Feelings Series: Part 3 of that which we are, we are Summary:
“It takes Spock a year to tell the whole story—a year spanning the length of San Francisco, from a stony bayside overlooking the destruction to a Russian teahouse in the heart of the city to a booth in the back of a bar where the bridge crew meets every two weeks to drink away the things they’ve seen. Jim never drinks, and looks haunted in the dim red lights, so Spock and Nyota come with him to the booths in the back when that happens and they talk and sometimes Jim just says, “Tell me a story,” so Spock tells—”
After he wakes, Jim can’t escape what’s happened: Pike, Marcus, Khan, San Francisco, his own death and resurrection and the terrible consequences. To get their ship back, Spock must help him come to terms with the reality—and tell his own stories to pass on the message that Pike left behind. Slow build Jim/Spock (against the background of a crumbling Spock/Uhura, but no Uhura hatin’). Part three of “that which we are, we are”, following “Though much is taken, much abides” and “that strength which in old days moved earth and heaven”.
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